Justice

Let's see ...

I have many thoughts given  the fact that I don't feel like writing huge essays on my phone or in most cases don't have my phone with me ...

I have a brother who states that he wanted to move out, however since a year ago this has changed and he's decided he's going to buy a house up north in order to rent it out ... due to him insulting mother and swearing at her by mutual agreement there are no words shared between us. He is still speaking to mother and the eldest sister.

I chose not to speak to the eldest, I'm not bothered speaking to someone who sees me as nothing, literally - whilst also stating like the childish hypocrite she is that I think I'm self important and smart. Since school I've lost my mind and sometimes I think my sanity. My mother thinks, actually I have no idea what she thinks but she's decided to villanise me, methinks its due to me getting in more trouble when I was younger, she forgets that I got in less trouble then 2 other siblings, I just told the truth and thus cemented in everyone's mind that I'm a bitch ...

So I cannot be bothered, I shouldn't have to defend my character, I'm not a liar that I have to prove that my word is true, orcs been true for the previous 29 years of my life, was I meant to have a midlife crisis and start lying.

So rather then bother I stay silent ... asking  people to believe me over someone else is like an ultimatum, I'm not bothered with them, that really is just the last straw in desperation and shows that whatever the relationship is it is no longer healthy and so the choice will be make our break. And once broken its not something that can be repaired.

So now I'm an outcast, and the snake is allowed to further manipulate, because regardless of what fact may be, because I stated it, it's not true and the abuser remains in high regard. Fun! So the lies remain until I can find the chain on my sanity in order to leave and I can start a non descript existence, because maybe I am fucked up and if that's true then I should not have a partner and I should not have kids, keeping my fucked up ways to myself is the best solution.

So I'll stay silent, crying out silently and knowing that the tears will be unseen or mocked.