Consequence

Stitches - no idea what the guy's name is

Showing you care at the last step does not negate the neglect willingly given over all the time before.

Hope is for the naive and disappears with the last tear...

Misfortune

Calvin Harris - Pray to God

So I'm fasting, I should be thinking more spiritual, so far I've been able to attempt praying, don't know if it'll be accepted ...

They say that Iblis is locked up during this time. However I am still feeling the resentment and anger during the day. Expected to perform tasks uncalled for ...

What about the precious one ... as per usual, nothing. I just feel like hurting someone on most days, the same way I am. Hopefully with my current plan I can be out in a few years and once I have a place to live, don't care about rent as I'm not planning to leave anything for the non existent kids.

It's this what jihad is, trying hard not to hurt those who good intentions means that they always hurt me ...

Lost

I'm a stranger in my own world, while the bully is given more freedom then those whom they have oppressed.

Then they wonder why I'm pissed off ...

Ending

Maybe I am just the bitch that they all say I am

The TK: http://youtu.be/qNYj5h389Vk

Character

Drake - We're going home

We have a base character and then our life will teach us and we make choices to become who we are.

I know I am naive in many ways for some of my education is yet to be, however I try and remain hopeful. For even hope is part of faith.

Much of the time I think "live and let live". As long as you don't encroach me and the perimeters I have set then your life is your test and for you to live. All I can do is try to be a smile within the darkness of the tunnel leading to the end destination.

Regardless of this I have been told I have a BS meter and don't allow the illusions that folk hold close, probably because I see no part in it. And so if folk try and impart that BS onto me I reject it.

I had one person try to force their viewpoint of the world and life onto me and then when I turned the convo around they got ticked off, if you had not tried I would not have said anything.

Another lives in too hopeful a world where because of the specifics they believe something other then what life has given them. Blind in the face of what they perceive love to be, they reject another view because it is not something that they are familiar with. Character is not made in the palaces of the pampered, that just shows they have the veneer of the education given to them. Let them live the life of the unprivileged then the real person is seen. Until then maturity is not reached, regardless of a person's bias towards that person. It's the privilege of the so called upper class that invites them to have prejudice towards everyone else, not realising what it is.

Prayer

Sometimes I think prayer is my only constant companion. Nothing else seems to work.

At other times I tell myself I should just give up Islam, what has it given me, and because I spend so much tone listening I get accused of many things, and what's funny is I believe them. I stop think that I actually have a leg to stand on, I think, why did I do that, it was caused by me?

Sometimes I think that I only have one tether to this world - mum - without her I would fade. And at other times I think well she doesn't give a shit why do I even try.

I told her today if she doesn't like me talking I'll just be quiet.

So now is the time to mend the shards, again, and operate like an animated zombie, pretending to remain unaffected whilst insults are being thrown. Because of I do cry this is because I am crying for attention.

Perhaps that's all my life will ever be, the quest to find contentment in death, without suicide because that's haram...