Another one

Let's see, they say that it's better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all. However they also say once bitten twice shy.

I'm stick near thirty having tried to please a person who quite frankly doesn't give a shit.

I forgave the illogical conclusion of me being dishonest. After all I am an excellent liar. But to gold it against me when I have been nothing but honest to her my entire life.

So I am compared and found lacking to a dishonest bully. Am I meant to forgive this time and again, emotional blackmail only works for so long.

So whereas I first used to think getting married would be a great partnership and a great next step to life I then changed this to marriage is a great escape ... and now if I'm to believe what everyone around me says then I have a massive attitude problem ... whereas I just don't want to invite another person in the hell of my mind ...

And so I just distance myself from everyone, whilst lying to the world. Waiting for the death that I've been denied ... and now to go and find a release when one selfish bully hogs the television watching crap that she doesn't even understand ... and the other one is hogging the computer so that I'm unable to work ... and I doubt they'll ever know they are such selfish shits

Rant

Another dollar another day, oh well I keep forgetting that I'm all alone.

I'm lost as folk expect stuff from me, which I don't think I could ever give. I don't have the capacity to love within me. So how can I imagine anything for myself. When I dream I know it's an illusion, the slight content I get knowing that I have pain that will be remembered after the fleeting moment ...

Entry

I've realised why I feel nothing not even indifference for my sister. Because she ous just like my father. A bully who beats folk in order to try and get them to submit.

What's annoying is that the mother who was beaten thinks she's the angel and I am he? Hilarious right?

And so I wait for god to let me die ...